Thursday, January 27, 2011

Live from the Gold Coast

Oh, pardon. I did not see you there over my venti latte. I'm a Gold Coast lady now, so you see, I am important. My days consist of long phone calls at Starbucks, spa mani/pedis, getting needlessly pissy at waiters, and quick stops at Bloomingdale's on the way home.

I moved into my boyfriend's condo last week, officially becoming the kept woman I always knew I could be. Closet space galore? You bet. Windows that face something other than adjacent brick walls? Uh huh. No strange smells from past water damage? I'm living the dream.

And you can live it too! For five easy payments of $39.99, I will show you how to win the man (and apartment) of your dreams! Some of my patented and intensive courses include: Mastering The Long & Difficult Starbucks Drink Order, Closing The Disturbing Age Gap, I'm Totally Cool: How To Trick A Man Into Letting You Move Into His Really Nice Place, and The Foreign Traveler: Live In A Guy's Place Without Having To Live With Him (Because He's In Ireland). Join me. Don't waste another day.

*Please make all checks payable to Katelyn Cohen. Also, I may have been drunk when writing this and thought it was hilarious at the time, but will realize later that I am not funny. 

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